Fear of Loss and Life

My greatest fear in life is losing what I love, from my partner, my family, my friends, my mind, to even my life. For this reason, (perhaps even prior to this fear fully developing) I’ve learned to cherish what it is I have, to appreciate the people in my life and how fortunate I am to be in the world that I live in.

I think the greatest factor to this fear, is the lack of control I have in stopping loss. Death is inevitable and people do/say/believe things that we do not agree with. In all honesty, I am not what you would typically consider a control freak. Flexibility, open-mindedness, and empowerment of others are some of the traits that I am most proud of, but this fear and subsequent lack of control in avoiding this fear becoming reality comes from the realisation that life changes in an instant. It is devastating and destabilising. It forces us to adapt when all we want to do is stagnate.

If we look at one of the defining flaws to result from this fear, I now live a life which is as risk averse as possible. Decision making is tiresome, and opportunities become limited, all because of a fear that I may set in motion a ripple which inevitably causes me loss. And then I’ll only have myself to blame for ruining what I had.

Considering how short life is, as I really appreciate with ever-passing day, I want to make a committed effort to forgoing the fear, and remove risk (to a fair degree) from my regular decision making, and to just live.

I know that there is plenty to experience and learn when I let it go, now it’s a matter of making it more of a reality.

Guise.

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Father

Teaching wit and wisdom,

Sharp and purposeful,

From early, you taught,

And I listened.

I learned,

How to think,

How to question,

How to be strong,

How to be gentle.

Your example set my foundation,

Lit my curiosity,

And thirst for knowledge and answers.

I will always love you.

Guise.

Mother

Endless, unwavering love, 

Giver of life, 

Feeding from the spring of existence. 

Dreams made capable, 

Power beholding, 

Your grace and love a pillow on the dreary bed of days. 

Worthless words, 

Juxtaposed, 

Your deeds,  too great for words to know. 

My endless love, 

And gratitude, 

To you, sweet nurturer. 

Guise. 

To Share in LoveĀ 

To give yourself to someone else, 

Is a worthwhile pursuit for our own self. 

A sense of value we shall feel, 

In loving unconditionally. 

But selfish intents are not the limit, 

For what this can create in bit. 

Our actions affect those for whom we project, 

A love, or care, we hope will protect, 

These special beings from hard roads trekked. 

But love, oh love is less and more, 

Of what these thoughts do share. 

To give oneself to someone else,

Is all for one and one for all. 

To love and explore life’s treacherous paths,

In the company of our dearest,

Is a human experience, raw and true, 

A gift for us, just me and you. 

Guise. 

Eternity

Forever is a long time. We often find it hard enough to commit to a gym or a new phone contract, yet without even some opportunity to partake in the decision, we are born into existence. This eternal, ambiguous existence. 

So we forgive the universe for forcing this existence upon us, often times praising it, and we get on learning, growing, interacting, sharing, loving, and being. We just learn how to live, and ignore the impending threat of eternity. 

With this we accept that we have meaning to find in this small fragment of eternity which we call life. We often then flounder and procrastinate, consuming a cocktail of low self-worth and high insecurity with a dash of self doubt. Until one of two things happen; we either decide what we are going to take from this world after a nearly cathartic experience, or, this existence places a jigsaw piece in front of you which makes the puzzle all make sense. 

For me, I saw her and finally understood all that I was and I all that I could be. I had a reason, a direction, all guided by a hundred little butterflies. I soon recognised that my direction is a life in dedication to love and knowledge. 

But only if it meant spending eternity by her side. 

Guise.