A Moment Defined (Vol.1)

This time last year, I had just rejected an extension to my employment contract after two long years at the same company. It was a decision I didn’t make lightly. Although the work was frustrating and change seemed impossible there, it was a comfortable job with great benefits (not so much the remuneration).

When I came into the job, it was off the back of feeling like a failure leaving the job before. Caveat to this, I must mention that when I look back now, three years on, I no longer believe myself to have failed, rather I achieved as much as I could despite the barriers outside of my control.

So feeling like a failure, for the second time in two jobs, I started in a role I was barely qualified for. Responsible for more than I’d ever been responsible for before, unsure of my knowledge and capability, I was at a point doubting that I was ever capable of succeeding in my field. But over the space of 2 years, I had the leader that I needed. One who was willing to be strong at the right times, and trusted me to make mistakes and learn from them. 24 months of being empowered proved to be everything I needed. And so I reached a point where I could learn no more from that leader. We had reached the max of what could be achieved in that dynamic.

With that in tow, I turned down the extension. I left that employer with nowhere to go, but not empty-handed. I entered a difficult labour market with 2 years more experience and all the confidence that I could hold. I was employable, at the very least. But I wasn’t just looking for employment. i wanted somewhere that I could make a difference, somewhere that I could feel the culture just through the recruitment process, which had the right pieces of the puzzle in the right places.

But two months without a job and multiple interviews each week without finding that place hits that confidence like a sack of sh…eets.

Thankfully I found the place I was looking for shortly after that two month mark, and almost a year on, I’m still very happy and optimistic. But this is a short story of defining moments, and whilst there have been a number of defining moments in my life, today is appreciates this one.

Back yourself. Sometimes in life we need to jump into the dark and trust our instincts (based on fact). At times, hindsight will help us to regret these decisions, but even with that, we know we made the decision for the right reason.



The Taller the Tree, the Harder the FallĀ 

We do our best, and sometimes our best isn’t enough. Other times we succeed, and the rest of the time we’re under appreciated. 

It’s a shit feeling to give your absolute all to something and fail. Perhaps even exhausting. To taste the air upon the dire cliffs of despair. So much so, that it makes you ask, why do I even bother. 

Whether it’s a task, a talent, a relationship or a game, failure tastes sour. 

Considering though, that we are merely flesh, bone, and bacteria, it’s quite extraordinary that we do not fail at everything we do. Cognitive function (whatever that is) and behavioural conditioning actually allows us to learn from our failures and grow. So why then, with such ability do we continue to fail in areas that we should have learned from? 

I think that the hardest part of failure isn’t the disappointment from ourselves and our friends, nor even the repercussions of our inability,  but rather most ironically it is knowing that you need to return to the metaphorical horse, but simply cannot bring yourself to do it. 

The difficulty lies within convincing that voice in your own head that it’s okay to fail, everything will be fine, you’ll grow from this, blah blah. 

It is acknowledging that what is done is done, and that it is not a failure, bit rather an opportunity which did not previously exist. 

Easier said then done. Stay resilient, believe that you can do better, always keep learning, and acknowledge your shortcomings for what they were, and not what they are. 

I never was good at practising what o preach.